A little lost...

...but thats the idea right?

Bold? is it bold to fail? I made some decisions to break away from a formula that obviously wasn't working. Last minute additions to my pieces proved somewhat risky, throwing a Haefling face down in the paint on the last day could have ruined the little I actually had going on. In that piece in particular I adhered too much to the photoshopped collage of images I had compiled. I started off with my formulaic background and then said screw it, I cant stand the lack of conversation between the acrylic action painting and the oil figurative work. I need to stop this shit. This was extremely hard because I had become so comfortable with something and to push it away was liberating but also putting me in the dark. Now where do I go??

I still used safe routes in the next piece, employing the use of a distinctly different language in the background, incorporating blueprints that literally lent to the idea of facade and our building up of walls to keep folk out. I personally found this piece more successful than the previous work but at the same time it wasn't enough, not in the visual sense but in the painterly sense. I chose an illustrative escape on this one, outlining some forms which I cant stress enough is like cheating. something about showing something for crit that is obviously unfinished drives me nuts, so i tend to make moves last second that actually hinder the integrity of the work as a whole far more than the unfinished areas.

I know I want to work with the figure in relationship to a more abstract idea and literal paint application, but currently my stuff looks like just any figure painting, in the portrait (which I wish I didnt have to call it that) it does read too much as a self portrait. this was completely unintentional, at the same time, we are our best models. I keep thinking I can use myself as reference and then render my features differently, I cant stray far enough from the image at hand. This proves a huge roadblock in my work.

I still wish I could work on 18 foot walls, If i had the opportunity to just paint on the studio walls I think I would enjoy that much more, Id have the opportunity to break away from some of the safe routes I take in terms of paint application and formula. The scale would force me to work quicker and with larger brushes. I hate working a foot away from my paintings cramped in the corner of my bedroom. the size would demand much better rendering on my part and proper proportions would be key. One day...

sometimes... flat, muddy, erie, dark, boring, ethereal, true, moist, cold, confusing,

approach... careful, contemplative, sure, at times unsure, visceral, comfortable, forced, timid, quick, tame.... ugghhhhhh

I work too fast in relation to my idea, my idea demands more clear portrayal at the same time if I continue working at the speed I do, maybe just a shit load more paint would take it to that point, the one that makes it look like I know what I am doing.

We all employ defense mechanism to keep ourselves in these little boxes. we may present ourselves in a carefree manner but we all have our secrets, our cover-ups. so...here i go again with this facade word. we all have them where is our essence why is society such a huge impact on our appearance, our expression of emotion, our relationships with others? Even in the application or production of Paintings or art in general, far too many folk are directly referencing society and common culture...why is this?? why can't we reach a point where we are creating something new. as hard as I try my work looks just like the next guys, though these days I feel I at least reference a more classic or formal approach...too bad this is frowned upon.

Currently I have been leaning toward the deconstruction of plane, shape, and color. I am super intrigued by the Leipzig painters, incorporating the flat yet form taking planes with my figurative work seems like it could be new something refreshing and helpful to expressing my intentions. David Schnell to name the one most influential in relation to where I see myself going with the abstraction and deconstruction of things. this guy kills it, knocks it out the box...

With the very last piece I finally started experimenting, employing Richter techniques with a squeegee, though hesitant to use a bunch of pigment, I got a feel for the general application process and potential moments that could occur. I didnt take it far enough, and the plane breakdown I experimented with the boats never made it to the level I had anticipated, but I believe I am on the right track, I just need to stop being so fucking scared and paint. simple. paint. The figure in that piece does get closer to the level Id like to achieve, and I am actually somewhat pleased with that. On the other hand I need to work with more than one figure, with a larger scale and play with the shadows and lighting far more. blahhh

current events??? I dont care for this war bullshit, theres no way my work could ever pull troops out of iraq or take away planes from the towers, I cant go back in time and prevent ethnocide to the natives or stop global warming single handedly. I can evoke a feeling inside oneself that may prove true to many, that we are inside ourselves, we are all far too abstract in how we present ourselves. timelessness, introversion, hidden emotions, lies, the act of preventing oneself from opening up to someone else or inviting people in is something that will never end. It is also something that we see as a huge trigger in war and relations between countries and cultures as a whole. The age old "don't judge a book by it's cover" is disregarded every day by entities larger than ourselves. We cannot communicate nor do we understand these bodies of people elsewhere so we interject for our own righteous selfish reasons, because we think we have a solution. no solution comes from one direction, it is the melding of it all that produces answers. if only the ice caps melting covered everyone in paint...